How to discipline a 19 year old daughter

Maybe he mutters under his breath when you ask him to do his homework. But you also want them to accept that there are rules in your family, just as there are rules in the outside world. Disrespect towards parents is common as youngsters navigate the waters between childhood and adulthood. There are loose wires everywhere. It means teenagers can get frustrated easily, with themselves and with external situations.

Remind her that you love her unconditionally. Keep in mind that adolescents often feel powerless. As part of the process of growing up, teenagers need to differentiate themselves from their parents. Another important part of teenage development is establishing emotional autonomy.

This usually involves taking back some of the power from their parents. The most common way to do this is for the teenager to challenge the rules through conflict and confrontation. The most important thing you can do is model the kind of behaviour you want to see in your teenager.

Remember, your children are constantly watching you as a role model. If you want your teenagers to be respectful towards you, you need to adopt a respectful attitude towards them, towards your spouse, and towards people outside the family. You can only win by being calm, consistent and modelling a better kind of behaviour. Examples of this kind of disrespect might be eye-rolling, unnecessary remarks, or ignored requests. Children grow up in an environment where the balance of power lies with the parents.

Surrounded by rules and expectations, children tend to feel powerless. But blatant rudeness should never be tolerated.

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Ignoring it will simply lead to an escalation of such behaviour. Children who have been spoilt or allowed to have their own way often become disrespectful teenagers. In families where there are very few firm rules, disrespect amongst teenagers is almost inevitable.

Inconsistency can occur where a parent arbitrarily applies different rules on different days for no apparent reason. For example, allowing a child to stay up till pm on one weekday but insisting they turn their lights out by pm the next weekday.

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Inconsistency can also arise where two parents apply different rules. For example, one parent might insist on no more than an hour of screen time in the evenings while the other parent imposes no time limit at all. Here are two reasons why inconsistent rules contribute to the problem of disrespectful teenagers:. A common mistake parents make is to threaten consequences in the heat of the moment and then fail to act on them.

Believe it or not, teenagers are looking for boundaries.

Teen Discipline: Strategies and Challenges

When you follow through on consequences, your teenager feels safer because she knows where the boundaries are. She learns to trust you because she knows you stand by your word.My son is a sophomore in college, and is home on summer break.

I do pay all of his bills.

how to discipline a 19 year old daughter

He has a summer job, but spends his money as he wishes. He doesn't have to pay any of his true expenses and does not have to work during the school year. I have always been very easy on him and we have always had a very open relationship.

He has no reason to lie to me, and he knows that is a big deal to me. He lied about where he was, when I questioned him about where he was. I'm very upset because he knows that he doesn't have to lie to me! I went away to college and spent ONE summer home with my parents. Only one, because I got so used to the freedom of being on my own that it was hard to go back to mom and dad's rules - not that they had all too many rules for me, but I just didn't like having to always account for where I was You said that he knows he doesn't have to lie to you - that's evidently untrue because he did lie to you.

I'm sure you're more upset about THAT he lied, not WHAT he lied about - so if you talk with him and assure him that you only want to know these things for his safety and not because you want to keep a hold on him or nag him or determine what he does as he's now an adult and learning to make his own responsible decisions without your help - maybe the talk will be good for both of you.

After all, you raised him, you know if he's good to make his own decisions. Take away some privileges. Obviously, you can not trust him as well as you thought you could, so taking away some privileges in a good way to handle it.

Until he can earn back trust, he needs to be treated differently. Age shouldn't matter if the child is still living at home while mom and dad pay his way when it comes to answering to his parents and being truthful and trustworthy.

Int his case, his parents. This is still a child were talking about, not a totally independent adult. That's one that I ponder frequently I have an 18 year old. It probably will depend on how much freedom your son has already, but, I would say losing priveleges of some sort, maybe something related to the lie. Like, if he uses your car to get around, but lied about where he took your car, maybe revoke the car priveleges for a period of time. I hope that helps to give you some ideas, good luck!

Since he's 19 let him know that he lives in your house under your rules until he moves out. Tell him that you don't trust him anymore and that if he wants to earn back your trust then he is going to have to work hard for it. By the way, you need to seriously think about paying his bills etc.

If he has a job then he should at least pay you something. Ask yourself, how long will you want, or be able to, give him everything he wants? Its that simple, when a child lies to you, no matter how old; you have the authority to take gifts away. When your son can again be responsible, you may instill those blessings upon him. No TV or no video games or playing outside or whatever the hell he likes to do.

Well, you could always kick him out. I mean he is an adult and if you're in a situation where he feels he needs to lie to you, then maybe it's not going so great.

I agree with the first answer since he's not legally a child then why should you deal with him if he feels he needs to lie to you. What did he lie about? I mean he's 19!!! Update: My son is a sophomore in college, and is home on summer break. Answer Save. Favorite Answer.Most kids go through phases where they are sassy, sarcastic, mouthy, or disrespectful.

The extreme end of the continuum is verbal abuse. The middle is various forms of disrespect. And the mild end is annoying but not necessarily disrespectful behaviors. This article will focus on how to handle kids in the middle and milder ends of the continuum. Nevertheless, I will begin by briefly discussing the extreme, verbal abuse end of the continuum. The extreme end of the inappropriate verbal response continuum is verbal abuse.

Abusive language is generally a personal attack upon another person. Verbal abuse often includes foul language and threats of violence designed to intimidate the other person to get them to give in. Kids who use abusive language and behavior want to attack you so that they can control you.

For these kids, abusive behavior has to be handled very clearly and sternly. How to Stop Threats and Verbal Abuse. Parents often ask me why kids talk to adults in disrespectful ways? Kids who act disrespectfully will not hesitate to push your buttons.

how to discipline a 19 year old daughter

I responded to him once or twice and the conversation went like this:. Why are you using that tone with me? Try to talk better. His final response to me was disrespectful, but also a bit clever and funny in a teenager sort of way. I became a little frustrated and annoyed, but I also knew better than to show it. Instead, my wife and I allied ourselves together and were able to laugh it off.Are there any appropriate ways to discipline an older teenager, particularly ones who are college students who are home for the summer?

Obviously, they are way too old for stuff like "No TV" or "No video games. It just seems like there are two opposite extremes for dealing with discipline problems for kids that age - a lecture but no real punishment for smaller problems, or throwing them out of the house which seems absurd to do to a 19 year old unless it is a very serious problem.

Is there any sort of appropriate, in-between "substantive" discipline to deal with problems that actually require something more than just a lecture?

If they choose to live at home at that age, they still have to abide by some basic rules, and there should be some consequences for breaking the rules.

Parents tend to overlook one of the biggest things they have to use with older children. Once you have children beyond the age of grounding, taking TV or computer privelages away and the like, the place that will hit them hardest is the pocket book. Sit down with your kids and clearly lay out the rules and responsibilities. They should be appropriate and simple. Make it clear that breaking these rules will lead to fines being levied. If the child works, they will expected to pay the money into the house fund.

If you are giving them money, inform them that you will deduct it from thier allowance. This is no different than fines for misdemenors in the community and will make an immediate impact. Also, if you are paying bills for cellphones, cars and insurance costs you can inform them that repeated infractions in areas concerning these items will result in your cancelling the calling plan, taking the car or taking them off your insurance.

At this age, your helping them is not a "given". As adults, they are old enough to appreciate the things you do to help and to know that if they are unwilling to show you the respect in return than they can handle these issues on their own.

If they claim they are old enough to "do what they want. Any one that is in your house wether it be your child or a friend should respect your rules. I would put some guidelines up they have to follow. Such as an appropriate time they had to be home.

If they were not home by that time I would let them know they would have to stay some where else that night and lock the doors at a certain time. With them still being in your home I would still punish them the same way as when they were teenagers, but you can not tell them were to go, but you can tell them when to be back. For the one that said you can not punish some one over 18 you are wrong.

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If you live in some one's house you have to follow the rules and be punished if you don't. There are rules in life every one has to follow even adults. By their age the discipline is pretty much over.

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You now need to talk to each other as people who live together and need to be able to respect each others rights. If they want to live in your house they need to treat you with respect.

If they don't get this on a basic level then perhaps you need some family counseling. How about money issues? Who supports them? Do they have jobs?I have a 19 year old college student that lives at home. She pays for college herself and has several jobs. She does not have her own vehicle but uses ours as needed for class and work. When she wants to go out, I tell her she can but not if it involves my vehicles. I tell her she doesn't have a curfew but to please come home at a reasonable hour as to not wake up the rest of the household.

Tonight, she went out with her younger sister 17 to a concert and was driven by a friend. When I asked what time they would be home the older daughter simply replied "I don't know" I told her that her sister did have a curfew and for them to come home before I fell asleep because she forgot her house key. It is now am and they are still not home. I called them about a half hour ago and they still were not sure what time because they were not the driver. To make matters worse it is snowing out 5 inches on the ground and still falling.

I offered to pick them up but my oldest insisted that they would be home soon. My daughter added that she is 19 years old I told her I was concerned for my other daughter's safety. This is really frustrating because my younger daughter is still out.

how to discipline a 19 year old daughter

This doesn't seem to bother my oldest. How can I discipline them both. I made the mistake of going to bed instead of talking to them. I was so furious and didn't want to raise my blood pressure.

A few hours later their dad got home from work and told them he was very disappointed in both of them and took the 17 year old 's phone away and she can no longer go to her junior prom. The 19 year old can no longer use our vehicles for work and school instead I'm making her take the shuttle that is offered thru her school.

How to Deal With a Disrespectful Teenager: 10 Tips for Frustrated Parents

We are leaving for vacation in two weeks and I wanted to leave them behind but cannot trust the both of them together so I'm thinking of just letting them stay in the house we are renting instead of having fun with the rest of the family I don't know how long to keep the punishment in force This is just what I would do have done.

I would have asked to speak to the year-old, and offered to come and get her since she was basically unable to get home on time. In the morning, sit the year-old down. Explain to her that no matter how old you get, you still have responsibilities to the people that you live with.

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One of those responsibilities is to respect their sleep. Another is to let people know where you are, and when you'll be back so they don't worry about you.

Those are the house rules, and if she chooses not to follow them, your roof and vehicles will not be available to her at all.What does discipline mean to you? Your definition of this fundamental part of parenting will determine your approach to it. If you think of disciplining your child as training him to do what you want him to do, you'll be frustrated.

On the other hand, if you think of discipline as teaching your child the limits of acceptable behavior, you can help him develop into a responsible and independent person. To cut down on power struggles as your toddler strives for independence, make sure you treat him the way you'd like to be treated. Try compromise instead of commands — he'll respond more amicably. While every child operates on his own sleep schedule, the average toddler sleeps between ten and 13 hours a day.

By 19 months most children have given up their morning nap, but still sleep for about two hours in the afternoon. If you find that even one nap rejuvenates your toddler to the point that he won't go down at night without a fight, you might opt to trade afternoon "quiet" time, reading or playing quietly indoors, for a nap.

Even a tired toddler will try to postpone bedtime, at least occasionally. He loves being with you, and once he realizes that going to bed means he's missing out on some household action, he'll test you with a variety of delay tactics. These antics may be amusing at first, but they'll quickly grow tiresome. Your best bet is to find a bedtime routine, such as a bath, a story, and a song, that works, and stick with it. Does your toddler still sleep contentedly in his crib?

Count your blessings! He may be perfectly happy to go down in his crib until well past his second birthday. Or he may be such a determined climber that he's already discovered he can scale the side rails — much to your dismay. To make crib-hopping as difficult as possible, set the mattress on the lowest level.

Since crib climbers are at risk for injury, if your child refuses to stay in his crib you may have to put him into a bed. Healthy sleep habits. American Academy of Pediatrics.

What is the best way to punish my 19 year old (dependant) son for lying to me?

Nemours Foundation.Do you have an adult child living with you? Parents feel they have to take care of their kids, whether they are 9 or 19 years old. Kids between the ages of 17 and 25 still have a lot of thinking errors. And when things come out wrong, these kids often view themselves as victims. Kids this age become much more adept at manipulating their parents by blaming them for being too rigid and strict:. Teenage mentality lasts from early adolescence until 22 or 23 years of age.

Most of the research shows kids are still using the same parts of their brain at 22 that they were using at So they are not that much more prepared for adult situations. When parents hear this enough, they start to feel guilty for the rules by which they have chosen to live. Kids are experts at manipulating their parents with guilt.

how to discipline a 19 year old daughter

I think parents should have two levels of rules with their older children who are still living at home: 1 core household rules that reflect your values, structure, and moral authority; and 2 rules specifically for older children in the household.

The first rules of your household should reflect your core values, structure, and moral authority. These are the rules that should always apply. That rule never changes. And no stealing and no lying. The second level of rules is the one that enables parents to live with young adults.

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Certainly, young adults should get more responsibility and independence, but they have to earn it. Absolutely not.

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You have a right as a parent to expect this. The most important part of having rules with older children is the discussion that establishes those rules. It should be a sit-down discussion. And you should write everything down that you agree to so that everything is clear. What can you do? How will we support you in what you can do?

What is forbidden? These things should be clearly spelled out. Just establish the rule, write it down and explain to the child that he is over 18, and this is how we have to live with this issue.

I think when someone is 18, if they finish high school, they should be supporting themselves financially.


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